I’m being altered at the genetic level. My DNA is forever changed. I am no longer the same me that I used to be. I never will be that me again. A better, stronger, healthier me? I certainly hope so. The knife cuts above my left eye over my ear closer to the top of my head. The pain does goes away for clear moments of peace, but when it comes back I have to close my eyes and not allow any further intrusions of aggressive visual stimuli. I grit my teeth until my jaw hollers at me to loosen up a bit. The piercing ringing in my ears is louder now. Someone is constantly circling their finger on the rim of a singing crystal glass filled with water in my brain. Sitting for too long makes my thighs stiff and it’s becoming difficult to walk for long periods without getting woozy. I’m a guinea pig. The first patient my doctor has put on this new medication. Of course there aren’t supposed to be any side effects. A half hour phone call with the support nurse from the drug company told me otherwise. Her seemingly endless list of warnings described possible numbness and pain in the extremities with headaches and nausea joining in as additional rides I might have to strap myself into. Of course, these are already issues I’m dealing with, so when they occur I won’t really know if their continuations of what’s already been happening or if they’re new joyful experiences brought on by the drug. My focus shifts me away from planned intentions on a constant basis. It’s growing more and more difficult to accomplish my set daily goals. I’m trying to write one thousand words every day. I may be working on a story, blog post or lyrics. Whatever comes up on any particular day, I want to put down at least that much. It might not sound like a lot, but my drifting thought process fights me every syllable of the way. Still, I’m twenty five pages in on a new short story and I’ve submitted and done rewrites on another so far this month. The challenge for me is to keep fighting through my body’s resistance and get everything out of me that I can. Hopefully this new me will be able to stand up to the my own immune system’s bullying and kick it’s ass. I’d like that a lot more than growing a tail or a third eye.
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