My Dearest Mr. And Ms. XXXXX,
According to the contents of your postbox this afternoon, you appear to be deeply in debt with an upcoming birthday this month and no close friends. Four different credit card bills with red rectangles marked OVERDUE were accompanied by one pale blue envelope addressed with a neatly typed, correctly spelled label and four colorful crayon colored balloons. Obviously from a parent, sibling or other close relative. It seems your electricity and telephone are soon to be disconnected as well. You should take care of that.
I have taken the liberty of opening three envelopes to be certain of their contents as their outer markings did not reveal a sufficient amount to gather the data required. I don’t intend to pry or appear presumptuous, but you might want to consult a debt counselor. Personally I have yet to require their services as I am always certain to pay what is owed promptly and accurately. A skill which you seem to lack.
In the future, I recommend you be certain to secure your dog in the yard before leaving home. I took the liberty of giving her some sleeping medicine. I didn’t expect her to turn her head so quickly. If she wakes up, she’ll should have one working eye left. Unfortunately she might have had an allergic reaction to my special compound. Though she is not barking and disturbing the neighbors anymore which makes the street infinitely more peaceful in my opinion.
I washed your dishes. Nothing perturbs me more than coming home from a long day to a sink full of hardened food remains and a coffee maker coated in coffee grounds swiftly on their way to mold. I took some chicken breasts out of the freezer and placed them in a bowl of hot water to thaw. Might I suggest using the Terryaki sauce with some steamed vegetables and brown rice. A healthy dinner that is oh so yum.
Hiding a gun in your underwear drawer? Really? As if that wouldn’t be the first place a criminal would look. No need for concern. I have a box of shells at home that are the same caliber. Too bad you didn’t have more cash in the safe. Hawking jewelry is tricky these days. Cameras everywhere and digital tracking. Fortunately I have some dear friends who are in the business of being in the know.
I enjoyed that film you made. Don’t worry. I didn’t upload it to the web. I put a copy on my phone for “personal” use if you know what I mean. Ms. XXXXX, you certainly keep in shape. Make sure you keep those gym membership payments up to date.
You won’t find it, but I inserted a sneaky transmitter to listen in to the phones. Of course the computer is mirrored at my place too. So easy. I might stop by later to hang out with you guys. Don’t bother locking the door. I have a key. That fake plastic rock by the pool wasn’t fooling anybody.
Yours always,
XO
the Key to everything
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A Chorus of Wolves
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According to the contents of your postbox this afternoon, you appear to be deeply in debt with an upcoming birthday this month and no close friends. Four different credit card bills with red rectangles marked OVERDUE were accompanied by one pale blue envelope addressed with a neatly typed, correctly spelled label and four colorful crayon colored balloons. Obviously from a parent, sibling or other close relative. It seems your electricity and telephone are soon to be disconnected as well. You should take care of that.
I have taken the liberty of opening three envelopes to be certain of their contents as their outer markings did not reveal a sufficient amount to gather the data required. I don’t intend to pry or appear presumptuous, but you might want to consult a debt counselor. Personally I have yet to require their services as I am always certain to pay what is owed promptly and accurately. A skill which you seem to lack.
In the future, I recommend you be certain to secure your dog in the yard before leaving home. I took the liberty of giving her some sleeping medicine. I didn’t expect her to turn her head so quickly. If she wakes up, she’ll should have one working eye left. Unfortunately she might have had an allergic reaction to my special compound. Though she is not barking and disturbing the neighbors anymore which makes the street infinitely more peaceful in my opinion.
I washed your dishes. Nothing perturbs me more than coming home from a long day to a sink full of hardened food remains and a coffee maker coated in coffee grounds swiftly on their way to mold. I took some chicken breasts out of the freezer and placed them in a bowl of hot water to thaw. Might I suggest using the Terryaki sauce with some steamed vegetables and brown rice. A healthy dinner that is oh so yum.
Hiding a gun in your underwear drawer? Really? As if that wouldn’t be the first place a criminal would look. No need for concern. I have a box of shells at home that are the same caliber. Too bad you didn’t have more cash in the safe. Hawking jewelry is tricky these days. Cameras everywhere and digital tracking. Fortunately I have some dear friends who are in the business of being in the know.
I enjoyed that film you made. Don’t worry. I didn’t upload it to the web. I put a copy on my phone for “personal” use if you know what I mean. Ms. XXXXX, you certainly keep in shape. Make sure you keep those gym membership payments up to date.
You won’t find it, but I inserted a sneaky transmitter to listen in to the phones. Of course the computer is mirrored at my place too. So easy. I might stop by later to hang out with you guys. Don’t bother locking the door. I have a key. That fake plastic rock by the pool wasn’t fooling anybody.
Yours always,
XO
the Key to everything
+
A Chorus of Wolves
+
+
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